Our Students are the Best Teachers

In my role, I have the privilege of working with many groups of students.  One of the groups I work with focuses on dealing with conflict.  This is an example.  Child A accused Child B of “stealing”, while Child B insisted he was “borrowing equipment.” Voices rose, chairs scraped, chests puffed up, and words were said.  

As educators, we step in — not to solve the problem, but to guide them through it. I asked them to pause, write down what they were feeling and what they wanted the other to understand. At first, they resisted. “This is dumb,” one muttered. But slowly, they began to write. Child A admitted he felt ignored by the group. Child B admitted to dominating the equipment. They apologised—not because I told them to, but because they understood each other better.  I continue to meet with the students regularly to discuss the challenges of navigating relationships. 

Watching them, I thought about how adults handle conflict. Unlike the students, we rarely pause to reflect or express what we truly feel to the person directly involved. We often avoid it.

We vent to our partners. Avoid hard conversations by ghosting friends. Bottle things up until they explode or fade into resentment. Or become keyboard warriors late at night after a bottle of cheap chardonnay.

What those students did, naming their emotions, listening, and repairing, was something many adults struggle with. They didn’t get it perfect, and since then, we have had other interventions.  But they communicated to, and with the person. 

Conflict isn’t a sign of failure, it’s a sign of connection trying to happen. But it takes courage to face it. As educators and parents, we want our children to have the skills and courage to navigate relationships and manage conflict, the right way.

Perhaps we can learn from the wisdom of these students and put it into our lives. Next time you experience conflict, pause, write down what's bothering you and then talk to the person directly.  

Ben Doyle
Principal